Here, have a glass of high fructose corn syrup.
No way, that's got mercury in it!
What's wrong with mercury?
You know what they say about it.
No, what do they say?
Well, uh...
That it's the sweetest of the transition metals? And that like table arsenic, it's fine in moderation?
Fine, give me the damn corn syrup.
This message brought to you by the National Mining Association
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