Picking on the R-tards

Every time I wonder if I hitched my wagon to the wrong horse, the conservatives come up with a new reason to hold them in utter contempt. Exhibit #24134: The Best Conservative Movies.

This is what I learned from their favorite movies:

• The Incredibles - Nature is everything, nurture is nothing. Craving the approval of the weak will be your undoing.
  
• Forrest Gump - Luck is the primary component of achievement.
  
• 300 - The gays make better soldiers, and religion is a corrupting influence on society.
• Groundhog Day - Women are like machines, you just have to learn which buttons to push.
• The Pursuit of Happyness - You must be willing to sacrifice your son to god Money to earn its rewards.
• Juno - Teenage pregnancy and single motherhood is, like, totally hot.
• Ghostbusters - Your religion is false. The real occult religion is much more interesting. And when someone asks you if you're a god, you say yes!
  
• The Lord of the Rings - Surveillance, war machines, and the invasion of foreign lands is indicative of absolute evil. Drug use in a bucolic setting is indicative of absolute good.
  
• The Dark Knight - Vigilantism is often necessary and just. Private citizens use surveillance more effectively than the government.
  
• Braveheart - Executing defiant insurgents is a hollow victory.
• Red Dawn - Executing friends whose family will be tortured is a hollow victory.
  
• Master and Commander - I'll give them this one. Sodomy and the lash are the two weevils that define conservatism.
• The Chronicles of Narnia: The Lion, The Witch, and The Wardrobe - Children are gullible, which is why we trick them into believing in Santa Claus, Jesus, and the nobility of sacrifice.
  
• We Were Soldiers - Killing hordes of brave communists is a hollow victory.
• Gattaca - Massive fraud against your employer is necessary when they can measure your performance accurately.
  
• Brazil - Terrorism is an appropriate response to surveillance.
• Team America: World Police - Freedom costs $1.05.